Five-minute free writes, Day 19 - "Strong"

Oh, boy, is it a pain to be known as the "strong one." I think this might be a bit of a curse that's familiar to most oldest children in large families. It's just kind of an assumption that goes with the territory.

As a teenager and a young woman, I was pretty proud of this. With the built-in confidence of youth, I accomplished things that make me quake when I remember them.  Want to have a summer job in a totally unfamiliar city and live alone for the first time ever and find your way to work in a huge city when you don't have a car? No problem.  Need to fly to Europe even though you've actually never left the eastern half of the U.S. and you're alone and you have no idea what you're doing? Sounds like an adventure.

Strength comes in many different forms, of course. The ability to problem-solve, to remain calm in a crisis, and even to say "no" when you have just reached the end of your rope - that's probably a kind of strength that many yearn for.  I'm still working on it.

Five-minute free writes, Day 18 - "Active"

When I first retired, way back in the fall of 2006, at the very young age of 59, I was delighted to have the opportunity to go to the gym every single day. In the middle of the morning. What a treat! I was finally able to attend to my physical well-being, and all the new activity did result in my becoming as fit as I had ever been - and pretty much as fit as I have ever been to this day.

I had not realized how much energy I had poured into my job for decades - actually increasing that activity as family demands decreased with the maturing of my children.  Strangely enough, that epiphany at my advanced age did happen - I am a person who is easily bored and seem to require a whole panoply of ideas and tasks to keep myself from sinking into a black hole.

I actually have wondered - am I really an ADD type of person?

Now, at 72, I am beginning to run out of gas. My active minutes, as recorded on my Fitbit, are pretty much limited to about 45 to 50 minutes per 24 hour period. My poor brain gets no relief, but the body is starting to warn me to slack off a bit. I am convinced that going to the gym every single day is definitely in my rearview mirror.  "Active," not so much. "Engaged," yep.

Five-minute free writes, Day 17 - "Consistent"

I have been pretty proud of myself, as I have managed to post one of these each day of the month - until Thursday, the 17th.  And then yesterday, the 18th.

Consistent.  That's what I try to be, with days scheduled consistently as much as possible.  But I do have to think about these little writings, and truly on the last two days I haven't had time to think.

In addition to my regularly scheduled meetings and always-emergent crises (which are really just little fires, but still need putting out), we have been under the threat of some bad weather.  So there's that.

I admit it's bothered me. I committed to this project, and I let myself down.  That is truly inconsistent with the way I normally operate.  SO - this morning, in the calm of a not-so-awful tropical weather event and a Saturday morning which has moved very slowly, I am catching up.  I am forgiving myself the temporary lack of consistency, and getting it done!

Five-minute free writes, Day 16 - "Avoid"

"Avoid" is a word I don't use often.  My tendency is to attack whatever is bothering me head-on. Over the years, there's been a certain lack of, shall we say, contemplation of the problem before this rushing in.  That impulsivity has gotten me into trouble more than once.

SO - as a little old lady, I'd like to think that I don't avoid problems, but neither do I shoot first and ask questions later.  I do try to mull things a bit more.  Interestingly, the advent of electronic communication has taught me my most valuable lessons in this regard; I have finally learned to rant and rave in and email, then delete it.

I do try to ask myself if my solution to a problem is going to have any obvious unintended consequences - that is certainly an outcome I do want to avoid. It's interesting how many possible outcomes one can think of, given a little contemplative time.  I think this feature of my aging process is actually a beneficial one.  In fact, I am going to add it to my list of "good things about getting old."

Thanks, Five-Minute Free Writes, for helping me figure this out!

Five-minute free writes, Day 15 - "Open"

Open mind.  Seems as those this phrase comes up a lot currently.  Do I have an "open mind?"  Do I need to "open my mind?"  I think most of us would claim our minds are open, but I suspect that, if they are, it's only a tiny crack.

This seems true of many of us who are aging.  Take tattoos, for instance.  Friends and relatives in my particular demographic (the young old through the old old) generally react negatively to the whole idea of tattoos, their feelings ranging from "I don't know why a young woman would disfigure herself that way" to "only thugs have tattoos" to "just think how awful that's going to look in 50 years" to "that man/woman is trying to hang onto a long-gone youth" to ... well, you get the picture.

How do I feel about tattoos?  I think I try to ignore them. I try very hard to not throw the tattoo into the mix when I form a first impression (with varying degrees of success).  The fact that my son and my daughter-in-law have tattoos may have something to do with that, not to mention many very good friends, both young and not-so-young.

I remember my mother having the same reaction when I pierced my ears for the first time - "how could you disfigure yourself like that?"  I think of that often as I'm putting in those beautiful earrings, and try to keep my mind open.

Five-minute free writes, Day 14 - "Voice"

There are some people in the world who have absolutely beautiful voices, either speaking or singing. Think James Earl Jones.  Think Terry Gross.  But most of us really cringe when forced to hear ourselves speak.  That voicemail message is pretty awful.

However, contemplating being without a voice is pretty grim. When I think of all the occasions I have to use my voice in the course of just a single day, I'm amazed.  How awful it would be to be forced to communicate in some other way, via computer or even just writing on a notepad!

Voices matter. Babies are born with the ability to express themselves primarily through their vocal cords. Even crying uses the voice mechanism.

How critical it is, therefore, to use our voices wisely.  That is, to not only take care of them, but to consider their power. Our words can inspire, can soothe, can heal; they also can cause harm and immeasurable hurt.  We can sell an item, an idea, or a message.  We must take care to be sure that we are as positive as we can be, and also be aware that we are blessed with a powerful tool that shouldn't be weaponized.

Five-minute free writes, Day 13 - "Reach"

I think I've always been a bit timid to reach beyond what I have thought to be my abilities and even my right to expect, given my pretty humble beginnings and my general on-the-job training for life.

In retirement, and to be perfectly honest, as I have aged and learned not to sweat the small stuff, my reach has expanded a bit. I like to think a little creatively (although not too much - my left-brained self urges caution always) and I absolutely feel braver than I once did.  So when I have an idea, I just float it. Sometimes it works, sometimes not.

One thing about reaching for a goal (or even the stars), a person has to learn to get over it and move on. And even work on some self-congratulation and self-forgiveness. What's that old saying about one's reach exceeding one's grasp? I think I have figured out that taking a leap is more than half the battle.

And, boy, is this post full of cliches!