Five-minute free writes, Day 5 - "Other"

Wow, is this the Word of the Year in America! It seems as though anyone who doesn't align with my way of thinking is instantly "the other."

I blame this on our country's obsession with sports. Combined with the idea of American exceptionalism, we have become do-or-die defenders of our team. As they were growing up, my sons became so fixated on our local university football team that they actually had to take to their beds at every loss.  My younger son was so deliriously happy at the team's first national championship win that he had to remind himself upon awakening the day after the game that it wasn't all just a fabulous dream.

It's just a short hop from that mindset to the tribalism that we suffer from today. No matter the issue, my group is right and your group is wrong; and not only am I right, but I am superior and you, by definition, are inferior. Carrying that reasoning out to its logical conclusion, your group is actually dangerous.  And if my group isn't "winning," our country is in imminent danger of collapse.

This is oversimplified, of course, but it's close enough to the truth to be pretty depressing. Given the fact that we are a nation of 330 million individuals, each with his/her own opinion (and don't think the children are immune), we are probably in need of an intervention.

Five-minute free writes, Day 4 - "Listen"

Listen.  I think "listen" is maybe more than just an ear function. I know I have lost some of my ability to hear clearly as I have aged.  As my husband's voice gets softer and softer as a result of his Parkinson's disease, my ability to hear him has diminished.  We are that couple who shout at each other, "What?" and "I can't hear you" and become more and more irritated with each other. Sadly, this often means that we just don't talk at all.

There are some other ways that I do hear, but don't really listen.  Again, this seems to happen most often with my husband. Threaded throughout his conversation is the pulse of fear.  He has a degenerative balance disorder that won't kill him (probably), but that will get progressively worse. This situation is one with which he lives every waking minute, and that's something I tend to forget. I have to remind myself to really listen - what can I do to respond in a helpful way without adding to his fear? He depends on me to be the cheerleader in our relationship, so I must be very careful.

Finally, I hardly ever stop to listen to myself.  I need to work on that.

Five-minute free writes, Day 3 - "Problem"

I think my problem today is pretty obvious - it's actually Day 4, and I completely missed writing yesterday.

I took a self-care day, and that was just a lunch with a friend and a movie.  But my days are so packed with volunteer responsibilities, the tug and pull of caregiving, the little problems that are sprinkled throughout the whole waking period - I tend to forget about the wonderful self-care that I get from just this simple exercise.

Truly, I thought about it briefly in the morning - then not again until today, when I realized that it is Day 4 already!  So here I am, late.

I think this problem is one that I can solve.  I'm resolving to write every day this month, because I really miss it.

And along the way yesterday, I didn't do some other tasks that should have been done.  Maybe my problem is a bit more than I think.

Five-minute writes, Day 2, "GIFT"

At my age, I am told it's time I start to regard each moment of life as a gift.  This makes sense, of course, in a logical way. Clearly each moment IS a gift - I could get hit by a bus just any minute. Especially here in the college town in which I live.

However, much more difficult for me is to actually live in each moment. I've taken a little meditation instruction and found the relaxation part to be quite wonderful. I've even succeeded in at least calming my mind, if not quite getting it quite to the still stage.  But there's always so much to do.

I have come to the conclusion that a very real joy in my life is that feeling of puzzling over a problem and working out a solution. Whether it's just a Sudoku puzzle or a complicated piece of grant writing, that solution piece is where I truly get out of my selfish mind and into whatever passes for creativity in my brain.

I actually am comfortable with this. I try very hard not to worry too much about the distant future, and I certainly avoid dwelling on the past, so this problem-by-problem rhythm of my days is about as "living in the moment" as I'm going to get.

Here's where the gift comes in:  My mind still works. My reasoning is still relatively sharp. And I'm still thrilled when I get the "right" answer.

31 DAYS OF FIVE MINUTE FREE WRITES - DAY 1, OCTOBER 1, 2019 - "WHY"

The word for October 1 is “why.”  Why am I doing this?  I love to write but seemed to get bogged down with other tasks. I’m hoping this 31-day exercise will get me jump-started again.

Today is hot and dry and the lack of rain in our town is getting to be pretty scary. In fact, climate change is pretty scary. When I try to sort through the issues that matter most to me, I think that’s the one. I will vote environment from now and forevermore.

I worry so about my grandchildren. What kind of world are we leaving for them? I wish there were some way I could come back in 100 years and see exactly what it’s like. Or maybe I don’t.

Mental health is defined by resilience, I think. So when I start thinking these very scary things, I try to pull back and just look out my window. The world is really so beautiful, and the peace of my backyard is so restorative. So I pull myself up by my mental bootstraps and soldier on.

But I will still vote environment. And I will still worry.